Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Biggest Party in Town
Well it's really rather exciting in Manchester at the moment. It's the Labour party conference, which means Tony Blair and the rest of the Government are staying in a hotel five minutes' walk from my apartment. A few streets are cordoned off, which is getting some drivers' backs up, but this conference is worth £17million to the city so I'm sure they can cope for a few days. The security is massive - more coppers than a Celtic v Rangers football match! The police have been given £4million by the Home Office, and have created a 'ring of steel' around the G-mex centre and the Midland and Radission hotels. (Tony and Cherie are in the Radisson) It is quite an honour to have so many VIPs in our town at one time, and to top it all Bill Clinton is tomorrow's guest speaker...!
Friday, September 15, 2006
BBC Hoffwest Tonight
The Hoff was in town yesterday, signing copies of his autobiography in the Arndale and at the Trafford Centre. He wasn't too keen to speak to the media, however...
Saturday, September 02, 2006
Best of the Fest
So Edinburgh is over for another year, but here's a pick of the best lines from this year's festival:
No wonder Bob Geldof is such an expert on famine. He's been feeding off "I Don't Like Mondays" for 30 years. - Russell Brand
I'm still making love at 71, which is handy for me because I live at number 63. - Bernie Clifton
After her accident, my nan had a plastic hip put in. But I thought they should have replaced it with a Slinky, coz if she did fall down the stairs again ... - Steve Williams
I'm a big Bono fan, but the man can't count. On "Vertigo", he begins with 'uno, dos, tres, catorce' which is 'one, two, three, 14' in Spanish. So maybe there isn't a crisis in Africa. Bono's just miscounted. - Al Pitcher
I wonder what would happen if Franz Ferdinand were assassinated?" - Glenn Wool
Jennifer Aniston goes to Malibu to shout at the sea. I drink Malibu and shout at pigeons. - Bill Bailey
Nobody thought Mel Gibson could play a Scot but look at him now! Alcoholic and a racist! - Frankie Boyle
I've not seen such a guilty face since I finished my jigsaw of O J Simpson. - We are Klang
Men who blow themselves up are promised 72 virgins in paradise. That's a high price to pay for a shag. In real life you'd be hard pushed to find one virgin. It begs the question: what on earth do they all look like? That's a lot of hairy women. - Shazia Mirza
A hotel mini-bar allows you to see into the future and what a can of Pepsi will cost in 2020. - Rich Hall
My dad is Irish and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent most of our family holidays in customs. - Patrick Monahan
Women want men in uniforms. In fact when you actually get down to it, all women really want are fascists. Hey, you can say what you like about the Nazis but those guys knew how to turn heads. - Dylan Moran
I sent my daughter to a private school. That's 73 grand's worth of education, and now she wants to be an actor? So I've asked her to do porn and give me the money back. - Janey Godley
I can't find a woman anywhere who will touch me with a shitty stick. Fair enough. It is a bit of an unusual request. - Andrew Lawrence
A bloke arrives at a nightclub door and the bouncers say he can't come in without a tie, so he goes to the boot of his car and gets a pair of jump leads, wraps them around his neck and goes back to the doormen. "Can I come in now,' he says to the bouncers. 'Yeah, but don't start anything''. - Jason Byrne
I got an odd-job man in. He was useless. Gave him a list of eight things to do and he only did numbers one, three, five and seven. Had to get an even-job man in to finish it off. - Stephen Grant
Christmases were terrible, not like nowadays when kids get everything. My sister got a miniature set of perfumes called Ample. It was tiny, but even I could see where my dad had scraped off the S ... - Stephen K Amos
I'm a Jew, by the way. It was my agent's idea. - Simon Amstell
Playing poker online is like being mugged without the company. - Lucy Porter
Act your age, not your shoe size ... that means something different on the Continent. - Richard Herring
My friend is Irish. - Oh really?
O'Reilly actually. - Colin and Fergus
Prison governor: "Ladies, I am going to turn this place into Midnight Express. Prisoner: 'Oh, in which case, I think I should tell you now, I'm no good on roller-skates'. - The Dutch Elm Conservatoire
I went to the JobCentre for an interview. I said: "I ain't got no qualifications, no skills and as for my customer service, sod off." She said: "You're exactly what they're after at Dixons". - Simon Brodkin
"If a dog's tail is still wagging, then how can that be rape?" - Marek Larwood
Have you noticed the way that burns victims stick together? - Carey Marx
As of last month we have gay bishops, official. I wonder if this will filter down into the game of chess? Those bishops can make all the same moves, but can only be taken from behind. - Jason Wood
I had a great business plan ... I was going to build bungalows for dwarfs ... there was only one tiny flaw ... - Justin Edwards
I come from a very traditional family. When I was seven, my Uncle Terry hanged himself on Christmas Eve. My family didn't take his body down until the sixth of January. - Nick Doody
I was surprised how British Muslims reacted to the Danish cartoons. I thought: "How can you get this worked up about a cartoon?" But then I remembered how angry I was when they gave Scooby Doo a cousin. - Paul Sinha
I saw a poster for Mission Impossible III the other day. I thought to myself: "It's not really impossible if he's already done it twice". - Mark Watson
Let me tell you what blasphemy is. It's the idea there's a superior being who can make the mountains, the oceans and the skies, but who still gets upset about something I said. He's an all-powerful being, he's just got self-esteem issues. - Reginald D Hunter
I like the Ten Commandments but I have a problem with the ninth. It should be: "Thou shalt not covet they neighbour's ox, except in Scrabble". - David O'Doherty
Americans only re-elected George Bush to prove they had a sense of irony. - Scott Capurro
Irish people love Muslims. They have taken a lot of heat off us. Before, we were "the terrorists" but now, we're "the Riverdance people". - Andrew Maxwell
If I ever saw an amputee being hanged, I'd just yell out letters. - Demetri Martin
Two guys came knocking at my door once and said: "We want to talk to you about Jesus." I said: "Oh, no, what's he done now?" - Kevin McAleer
What Iran needs now is a more modern leader - a mullah lite. - Shappi Khorsandi
Every older generation hates the younger generation, but it used to be that they said the young were getting more and more deviant. "If we wanted fun thenwe went to a barn dance," they'd say. We're the first generation of old people bitching that the young are so tame. Look at these kids - we used to do crack. These pussies just drink Red Bull and go on the patio to smoke. The closest they've come to a fist fight is in a chatroom. "You looking at my girlfriend? Well I'm going to delete you from my MySpace friends list". - Doug Stanhope
Why do women insist on asking men what they're thinking? We're thinking: "Fuck, better think of something to say." Either that or we're imagining that we're spies. - Ed Byrne
I'm mixing beats that are phat and ill, like Pavarotti. - DJ Danny
I don't mind when my jokes die because they go to heaven and get 72 virgin jokes. - Omar Marzouk
People who say they don't swear haven't had the right sex or food. - Russell Howard
Two aerials on a roof fell in love and got married. The wedding wasn't great but the reception was fantastic. - Jimeoin
In the Bible, God made it rain for 40 days and 40 nights. That's a pretty good summer for us in Wales. That's a hosepipe ban waiting to happen. I was eight before I realised you could take a kagoule off. - Rhod Gilbert
I grew up in Braintree, the most ironically named town in Britain - there being neither a brain nor a tree for miles around. In Braintree, they think irony comes from elephants. - Luke Wright
My body has changed so much since I have been here. My stomach is fat from the food and booze, my legs are skinny from walking up all the hills. I've decided ET wasn't from out of space, he was from Edinburgh! - Wil Anderson
I've got no problem buying tampons. I'm a modern man. But apparently, they're not a "proper present". - Jimmy Carr
What do you call a skinny Aussie girl with chalk on her head? A Barbie-cue. - Steve Daking
Edinburgh is the only city that I have walked completely around and only gone uphill. - Sean Collins
They say being a hostage is difficult. But I could do that with my hands tied behind my back. - Phil Nichol
Don't forget you can still watch our Fringecast podcast at: http://www.fringecast.com or http://youtube.com/user/fringecast
No wonder Bob Geldof is such an expert on famine. He's been feeding off "I Don't Like Mondays" for 30 years. - Russell Brand
I'm still making love at 71, which is handy for me because I live at number 63. - Bernie Clifton
After her accident, my nan had a plastic hip put in. But I thought they should have replaced it with a Slinky, coz if she did fall down the stairs again ... - Steve Williams
I'm a big Bono fan, but the man can't count. On "Vertigo", he begins with 'uno, dos, tres, catorce' which is 'one, two, three, 14' in Spanish. So maybe there isn't a crisis in Africa. Bono's just miscounted. - Al Pitcher
I wonder what would happen if Franz Ferdinand were assassinated?" - Glenn Wool
Jennifer Aniston goes to Malibu to shout at the sea. I drink Malibu and shout at pigeons. - Bill Bailey
Nobody thought Mel Gibson could play a Scot but look at him now! Alcoholic and a racist! - Frankie Boyle
I've not seen such a guilty face since I finished my jigsaw of O J Simpson. - We are Klang
Men who blow themselves up are promised 72 virgins in paradise. That's a high price to pay for a shag. In real life you'd be hard pushed to find one virgin. It begs the question: what on earth do they all look like? That's a lot of hairy women. - Shazia Mirza
A hotel mini-bar allows you to see into the future and what a can of Pepsi will cost in 2020. - Rich Hall
My dad is Irish and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent most of our family holidays in customs. - Patrick Monahan
Women want men in uniforms. In fact when you actually get down to it, all women really want are fascists. Hey, you can say what you like about the Nazis but those guys knew how to turn heads. - Dylan Moran
I sent my daughter to a private school. That's 73 grand's worth of education, and now she wants to be an actor? So I've asked her to do porn and give me the money back. - Janey Godley
I can't find a woman anywhere who will touch me with a shitty stick. Fair enough. It is a bit of an unusual request. - Andrew Lawrence
A bloke arrives at a nightclub door and the bouncers say he can't come in without a tie, so he goes to the boot of his car and gets a pair of jump leads, wraps them around his neck and goes back to the doormen. "Can I come in now,' he says to the bouncers. 'Yeah, but don't start anything''. - Jason Byrne
I got an odd-job man in. He was useless. Gave him a list of eight things to do and he only did numbers one, three, five and seven. Had to get an even-job man in to finish it off. - Stephen Grant
Christmases were terrible, not like nowadays when kids get everything. My sister got a miniature set of perfumes called Ample. It was tiny, but even I could see where my dad had scraped off the S ... - Stephen K Amos
I'm a Jew, by the way. It was my agent's idea. - Simon Amstell
Playing poker online is like being mugged without the company. - Lucy Porter
Act your age, not your shoe size ... that means something different on the Continent. - Richard Herring
My friend is Irish. - Oh really?
O'Reilly actually. - Colin and Fergus
Prison governor: "Ladies, I am going to turn this place into Midnight Express. Prisoner: 'Oh, in which case, I think I should tell you now, I'm no good on roller-skates'. - The Dutch Elm Conservatoire
I went to the JobCentre for an interview. I said: "I ain't got no qualifications, no skills and as for my customer service, sod off." She said: "You're exactly what they're after at Dixons". - Simon Brodkin
"If a dog's tail is still wagging, then how can that be rape?" - Marek Larwood
Have you noticed the way that burns victims stick together? - Carey Marx
As of last month we have gay bishops, official. I wonder if this will filter down into the game of chess? Those bishops can make all the same moves, but can only be taken from behind. - Jason Wood
I had a great business plan ... I was going to build bungalows for dwarfs ... there was only one tiny flaw ... - Justin Edwards
I come from a very traditional family. When I was seven, my Uncle Terry hanged himself on Christmas Eve. My family didn't take his body down until the sixth of January. - Nick Doody
I was surprised how British Muslims reacted to the Danish cartoons. I thought: "How can you get this worked up about a cartoon?" But then I remembered how angry I was when they gave Scooby Doo a cousin. - Paul Sinha
I saw a poster for Mission Impossible III the other day. I thought to myself: "It's not really impossible if he's already done it twice". - Mark Watson
Let me tell you what blasphemy is. It's the idea there's a superior being who can make the mountains, the oceans and the skies, but who still gets upset about something I said. He's an all-powerful being, he's just got self-esteem issues. - Reginald D Hunter
I like the Ten Commandments but I have a problem with the ninth. It should be: "Thou shalt not covet they neighbour's ox, except in Scrabble". - David O'Doherty
Americans only re-elected George Bush to prove they had a sense of irony. - Scott Capurro
Irish people love Muslims. They have taken a lot of heat off us. Before, we were "the terrorists" but now, we're "the Riverdance people". - Andrew Maxwell
If I ever saw an amputee being hanged, I'd just yell out letters. - Demetri Martin
Two guys came knocking at my door once and said: "We want to talk to you about Jesus." I said: "Oh, no, what's he done now?" - Kevin McAleer
What Iran needs now is a more modern leader - a mullah lite. - Shappi Khorsandi
Every older generation hates the younger generation, but it used to be that they said the young were getting more and more deviant. "If we wanted fun thenwe went to a barn dance," they'd say. We're the first generation of old people bitching that the young are so tame. Look at these kids - we used to do crack. These pussies just drink Red Bull and go on the patio to smoke. The closest they've come to a fist fight is in a chatroom. "You looking at my girlfriend? Well I'm going to delete you from my MySpace friends list". - Doug Stanhope
Why do women insist on asking men what they're thinking? We're thinking: "Fuck, better think of something to say." Either that or we're imagining that we're spies. - Ed Byrne
I'm mixing beats that are phat and ill, like Pavarotti. - DJ Danny
I don't mind when my jokes die because they go to heaven and get 72 virgin jokes. - Omar Marzouk
People who say they don't swear haven't had the right sex or food. - Russell Howard
Two aerials on a roof fell in love and got married. The wedding wasn't great but the reception was fantastic. - Jimeoin
In the Bible, God made it rain for 40 days and 40 nights. That's a pretty good summer for us in Wales. That's a hosepipe ban waiting to happen. I was eight before I realised you could take a kagoule off. - Rhod Gilbert
I grew up in Braintree, the most ironically named town in Britain - there being neither a brain nor a tree for miles around. In Braintree, they think irony comes from elephants. - Luke Wright
My body has changed so much since I have been here. My stomach is fat from the food and booze, my legs are skinny from walking up all the hills. I've decided ET wasn't from out of space, he was from Edinburgh! - Wil Anderson
I've got no problem buying tampons. I'm a modern man. But apparently, they're not a "proper present". - Jimmy Carr
What do you call a skinny Aussie girl with chalk on her head? A Barbie-cue. - Steve Daking
Edinburgh is the only city that I have walked completely around and only gone uphill. - Sean Collins
They say being a hostage is difficult. But I could do that with my hands tied behind my back. - Phil Nichol
Don't forget you can still watch our Fringecast podcast at: http://www.fringecast.com or http://youtube.com/user/fringecast
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Fringecast 2: Christine & Neil Hamilton
Day 2 of the Fringecast and we meet the irrepressible Hamiltons! They’re here to perform their daily chatshow Lunch with the Hamiltons at the Pleasance Dome, but we managed to grab them for a few minutes to talk about life after politics, Skodas and bathing in jam. Confused? So am I. It can only be another edition of the Edinburgh Festival’s finest podcast, Fringecast.com!
For more fun, go to fringecast.com.
For more fun, go to fringecast.com.
Fringecast 1: Krysstal & Brian Damage
Welcome to the first proper fringecast.com video podcast. In this edition Brian Damage and his wife Krysstal perform one of their songs, about the typical Brits abroad...
For more fun, go to fringecast.com.
For more fun, go to fringecast.com.
Sunday, July 30, 2006
The Edinburgh Fringe Podcast returns....
It's back. Well, nearly. After the fun we had producing our podcast at last year's Edinburgh Fringe Festival, Rob and I have decided that this time around we'd make a daily video available online. We've called it fringecast.com, and before it goes live on 5th August, here's a taster (shot at last year's Fringe):
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Pissed Hoff!
This picture is circulating in today's tabloids. The Hoff was a bit too, ahem, pissed, to board a plane at Heathrow yesterday...
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
You know it's too hot when...
You go to the cinema and watch the latest season of Eastern European experimental films, just because it's air conditioned.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Adam Buxton has his own YouTube channel!
Yes, he of Adam and Joe is out there, putting funny vides on the web. Check him out:
Thursday, July 06, 2006
In a pickle
Some people are scared of spiders, some are scared of snakes. And then there are the 'niche' phobias:
Friday, June 23, 2006
Harriet the Tortoise dies at 175
I haven't posted anything on here in ages, but sometimes a story just touches you:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/5109342.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/5109342.stm
Monday, April 17, 2006
Manchester Passion
Friday night we went down to Albert Square to join the crowd for the BBC's Manchester Passion. The idea behind this show was that it would retell the story of the last few hours of Jesus' life using the music of famous Manchester bands. Although the main stages were in Albert Square - outside the Town Hall, the story took place all over the city, with scenes happening in different places at different times, all broadcast live. It's the kind of thing that could so easily have been a disaster. It could've been cheesy, it could've rained, it could've had dick-heads sticking two fingers up in the background. But I have to say Aunty Beeb pulled a blinder - an absolute success. It's a shining example of the value of the BBC, and that when it works it can brave, risk-taking and innovative.
Monday, April 10, 2006
Monty for England
I don't normally do this, but given the crappy timeslot we've been landed with, we need all the help we can get!
So, make sure you tune in to Monty for England on BBC1, Wednesday at 11.40pm:
Monty Panesar insists he's just a lad from Luton who loves cricket, but as the young spin bowler becomes the first Sikh ever to play for England, fans and media alike treat him as something special. Marking Vaisakhi, the Sikh New Year, this film follows Monty to India, the birthplace of his religion and his parents
STOP PRESS: Now available on the BBC Media Player.
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Room with a View/Rear Window
At last! My new window, for which I submitted a planning application last July, was finally installed this weekend. Top marks to the builder for doing what others said impossible and completing the job from the inside of the apartment (meaning I didn't need to hire any scaffolding. Phew!) I'm so pleased about this I can't tell you. It felt like it was never going to happen. To put it in context, since submitting the application last summer, the Beetham tower has gone from this to this. I can finally breathe fresh (well, okay: cool) air and won't have to face another summer of stifling heat! Hurrah!!
Monday, March 13, 2006
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Friday, March 03, 2006
Red Carpet Ruckus
It's Oscar time this weekend, and Aunty Beeb has put together the complete party surival kit:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/4770162.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/4770162.stm
Monday, February 13, 2006
New Video Podcast
I've just launched a new video podcast, which is a serialised preview of an interactive educational DVD I've just completed work on. It's designed to encourage creative writing for high school students aged 11-14 and is called 'The Write Kit'. The exercise we're previewing, 'The Bomb', teaches students how to write a story in a structured manner by revealing details at key points. It would be great to get some general feedback, so please click here and subscribe to The Write Kit video podcast!
Thursday, February 09, 2006
My new favourite thing
I love BT's new text service. Before, if you sent a text message to a land line the recipient would get a computerised voice reading it out to them. Well now they've re-launched the service with Doctor Who legend Tom Baker! Apparently he recorded around 12,000 words and phrases. Try it: just send a text to a land line number. Hours of fun making the Doctor say silly things! I just made him sing Sir Mix-a-Lot's 'Baby Got Back'..
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Round-Robin Email of the Week
Click the image to enlarge:
In addition, according to Popbitch:
It's a shame that the pilot whale didn't take a wrong turn and end up in London a few years ago, because whales used to be the responsibility of the Queen Mother, as Warden of the Cinq Ports. She was supposed to make sure "that beached whales were given a proper burial, and that at least one tooth from each beached whale was extracted and sent to the Natural History Museum." All whales beached in British waters are owned by the Crown. Historically, the Sovereign claimed only the tongue, the tastiest bit, and gave the carcass to the local community to eat.
In addition, according to Popbitch:
It's a shame that the pilot whale didn't take a wrong turn and end up in London a few years ago, because whales used to be the responsibility of the Queen Mother, as Warden of the Cinq Ports. She was supposed to make sure "that beached whales were given a proper burial, and that at least one tooth from each beached whale was extracted and sent to the Natural History Museum." All whales beached in British waters are owned by the Crown. Historically, the Sovereign claimed only the tongue, the tastiest bit, and gave the carcass to the local community to eat.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Whistle while you work...
I recently updated my computer to the new version of the Mac operating system, 'Tiger'. One of the new features is that you can have all these mini programs running on your desktop, called 'Widgets'. Typically they offer weather forecasts, calculator, currency conversion etc etc, but the coolest of all has to be one I just downloaded called Sing that ITune!. It automatically scans the web for the lyrics to whatever is playing in ITunes. Amazing! As far as I can tell there are two ways of having fun with this: one is to sing along like a lunatic to all those cheesy records in your library, and the other is to set it challenges and see if it can return lyrics for some of the more bizzare records in your collection.
If anyone else is using Sing that ITune, I'd love to hear what the most interesting lyrics you've come across are. My best so far is the Britney Spears Chris Cox megamix: "(Spoken) Can you turn my up a little?"
If anyone else is using Sing that ITune, I'd love to hear what the most interesting lyrics you've come across are. My best so far is the Britney Spears Chris Cox megamix: "(Spoken) Can you turn my up a little?"
Monday, January 09, 2006
Superdooper Soapstars
By all logic it should be rubbish, but for some reason I'm addicted to Soapstar Superstar. I'm not normally one for reality shows, and only watch X-Factor and Pop Idol for the bad auditions, but I'm addicted! Maybe it's because the standard is generally pretty good, or maybe it's because everyone seems to want to win it badly, or maybe it's just great to see Cilla back on the telly... Only thing I don't like is the presenters. Ben Shepherd and Fern Britton together look like a little boy and his mum!
Oh yeah, and I think I'm in love with Shobna Gulati.
Monday, January 02, 2006
Happy New Year
I've always enjoyed new year's eve most when it's spent close to home, and that was certainly the case this year. A few of us went over to my friend Dee's place, which is just around the corner from me. We had an absolutely fantastic evening spent dancing around like lunatics to cheesy videos on the music channels, drinking cocktails of goodness knows what, and playing a game that featured an inventive new use for Vaseline (and it's not nearly as filthy as you might think!). Dee, thank you so much for providing us with the space for such a top night, and I hope you're able to get rid of the unidentified sticky substances from the floor.
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